Hard Lesson

His words cut me to the core
Terrible words spoken
Behind my back to others
My heart broken

For I thought we were friends
How could a friend, brother
Call me a judgemental
Heartless, gossip…

I mourned for many years
I went from hurt to anger
Back to hurt again

After several years
I understood the anger and pain
Came from realizing he was right
Everything he had said was true

I had a talk with him the other day
Told him my hurt and pain
Then I apologized for my behavior
And asked for his forgiveness

I forgot one thing, I also should have thanked him
For he was part of helping me become
A better person, that I hope to be one day

Thanks for reading,
J9
This is dedicated to my Brother in law whom I love and wish I had talked to years
earlier and made things right.

Why don’t you understand?

We go through this all the time
You’re just too sensitive
I walk around on egg shells
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to handle you

With all your issues I never know
With all your issues I can’t judge
With all your issues I’m not sure
Yes, I’m mentally ill
I didn’t ask for this
I don’t mean to be too sensitive
It’s part of the illness
I’m sorry it’s disrupting your life
I don’t know what you mean
I don’t know what you’re saying
I don’t know how to judge
Because that part of my brain no longer works
Because I’m mentally ill

You run and hide
It doesn’t solve anything
It only makes things worse
We’ll just make up by tomorrow
So fix it now and don’t run away

I’m mentally ill
When I’m hurting all I know
Is I need space
I don’t know it’s going to be alright
Tomorrow may be worse than today

This is just stupid to run off and not solve the problem
Will you ever understand I don’t think like normal people
My brain no longer works properly
It’s fight or flight
I don’t like fighting so I flee.

I’m sorry my my illness has made your life so hard
My illness has made my life hard too, every single day
Every single hour, every single minute
You see you can get away from me
I have no choice but to stay.

Thanks for reading,

J9

 

THEY SAY

Two steps forward
Three steps back
That’s how it feels
In this world of crazy

They say….

You’re the one who
Misunderstands
Never gets things or hears things right
Because you’re crazy

They say…

You’re too sensitive
Blow things out of proportion
Get upset over nothing
No one to blame but yourself

They say….

If you would just be more normal
Don’t think like you do
Just answer a simple question
Make it easier for us

They say….

You could if you’d just try
Quit being you and reading into it
Quit being you and forget it
Quit being you and get over it

They say…

Quit being you and be normal
Quit being you and be quiet
Quit being you and put the mask back on
Then I can be me again and live like I want.

Thanks for reading,

J9

Depression: Scene Six

Continued From Depression: Scene Five

Darkness engulfs you
A mask completely covers your face
You are no longer you
Just the shell of who you were
The mask and the shell
Depression has won

Thank you for reading,
J9

I wrote this 6 scene series because I felt like so many could relate to it. Also to let you know you are not alone. There are others who are or have been there. However, there is help and that is where the light is.

Depression: Scene Four

Continued from scene three:

Everyday waking up in the same darkness
You start to question your sanity
Night time is the worst
You hear voices oh so faint
Are they real? Or just in your head?
You can’t share with anyone
They will think you’re crazy
So you pull away a little more

Thanks for reading,
J9