WILL I ALWAYS BE THIS WAY?

Will I always feel this way?
Just balancing between sane and insane
I go for several weeks feeling great
Then it starts creeping in like an unwelcome guest
First just a sadness off and on
Then fear, helplessness, anxiety
Always looking around, afraid to be alone

Now I hear the oh so faint sounds or voices
That only I can hear
No one sees the things that scare me half to death
I talk to very few about it because what will they think?
I’m so afraid to go down this path again.

I’m starting to have multiple meltdowns a day now
Needing more rest and quiet to get through the day
My head is more confused.

What has changed? Why is this happening?

I try to put on the mask but even that is too hard
Because the tears come and I can’t stop them

Will I continue to have bigger set backs every time
I move forward and am doing so good?
Is this how mental illness works?

I try to have a good attitude and say this is my
Life and we will take it one day at a time
But sometimes it’s so hard when you don’t know
How you are going to be when you wake up.

Thanks for reading,
J9

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