THE BROKEN TOOTH

Have you ever broken a tooth or had one pulled? I’ve had many pulled but they were always in inconspicuous places. Last night my lateral incisor tooth broke off almost completely. I was horrified. I went from having a really good day to being mortified.
Now you might be thinking yes, bad for a few days but just go to the dentist and get it fixed. Well here lies the problem. I am petrified of the dentist. I go into a meltdown on the way there. That was before I was in crazy town. I don’t even want to think about how it would be now. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. So I did everything I could to clean this ugly rotting hole. Still, no good I just wanted to cry more.
As I’ve been thinking about this small tooth, I think about how one tiny thing can change our whole outlook on our day, week, month or life sometimes.
I’m not saying I will let this tooth change my whole life but I think you understand what I mean.
This is exactly how disorders start, we find a flaw or at least we think it is a flaw and we dwell on it until it consumes our life and nothing else matters.
I know this very well from experience with my eating disorder.
What I still haven’t learned is how to let it completely go and heal. I struggle with ed everyday. The more my weight climbs the more I want to restrict. It’s not logical, but eating disorders are not logical. Except to us that have them.
I’m working really hard today to not be totally depressed and crawl in bed. Because now I feel like a fat pig and have this ugly hole in my mouth and don’t want to smile or talk.

So, I’ve been trying to follow my mirror work from treatment. “May I love and accept myself exactly as I am”
Very tough to do.

Thanks for reading,
J9

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